


Grief

by LonelyAngel



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Accident, Grave, Grief/Mourning, Monologue, kind of happy end?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 22:35:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9628259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyAngel/pseuds/LonelyAngel





	

It was winter when Tyler visited Josh's grave the first time. No, actually it was the second time. He had seen the grave at the day of the funeral. But now was the first time he was alone with his friend. Jenna had asked him if she should go with him but he wanted to be alone. There was snow on the grave and the gravestone and the flowers were frozen and full of ice. Tyler stood there for a few minutes before he started speaking.

"Hey, Josh…I'm sorry, I know I should've come sooner. I just couldn't. I miss you, you know that? I miss you so much. I know there's Jenna and my family and your family, but they can't help. I need you. Jenna says that I haven't smiled since…I think she's right. But why should I smile? Everything's…cold and dark. But I guess you know that. I'm angry. That shouldn't've happened. I know it was not your fault. It was the fault of the other driver…no it wasn't. I guess I just need to blame somebody. He died a few days after the accident. I think his family is in the same position now. His son survived. I hate him for that. Why did he survive and you didn't? That's not fair.

Everybody tells me it was bad luck and that I couldn't have done something to avoid it. And still I ask myself: is that true? What if I had asked you to stay, so you didn't have to drive home at night in the snow? I…I don't know. I don't know what to do. I miss you so much. Everybody's afraid I can't cope with it. They think I'll hurt myself, Josh. But I won't, I promise. I know you'd hate it. I…I miss you and I know I'll never see you again and that's killing me, but I'll try to stay strong for you. I just need some time to…I don't know. I don't know. Don't leave me alone, please…"

Tyler laughed unhappily. "But you already have." He wiped his tears away and turned. "I…I need to go. Jenna's waiting for me."

He nearly ran when he left the churchyard.

 

 

 

The snow was gone the next time. The birds were singing and the grass was green, some flowers bloomed. It was spring and everybody seemed to get more energy. When Tyler walked along the graves, many of them were decorated with flowers and he saw some people standing in front of the graves. He ignored them and walked to the only grave he wanted to see. No, he didn't want to see it, he wished it wouldn't exist. The wreath with the withered flowers was gone. Tyler laid a bouquet of flowers down and sighed.

"I need you, Josh. Remember, we talked about everything. It's so weird to talk to a grave, I don't even know if you can hear me…I can talk to Jenna, but it's not the same. I barely talk. Jenna's worried. She wants me to talk to a therapist. I don't want to, I told her I'm not crazy or something like that, and she said: Tyler, listen, I know you're not crazy, but you're not the Tyler I know. You don't talk, you don't eat, you don't even play music. You stopped being Tyler the day Josh died.

I know that, Josh, but I can't carry on like nothing happened. I lost my best friend. I lost you.

It's terrible and I don't know what to do…I think I'll talk to the therapist, maybe he can help me, ya know? At least I can try. I'll do it for Jenna. And for you. If you could see me…I look awful. Like a ghost. But I can't change it.

There are so many people who talk to me all the time. There's Brendon, you remember him, right? He's really sorry. I call him sometimes when I can't sleep and when I don't want to talk to Jenna. She says "time heals all wounds" but she's wrong. Nothing can heal me. But she can't understand and that makes me angry and I yell at her and I feel awful. But she never yells back, she keeps quiet and waits until I cry and then she hugs me and says she misses you too.

I'm so sorry, Josh. I'm sorry that happened. It was wrong. I'm sorry."

 

 

 

It was incredible hot and Tyler was happy about the shadow that was near the grave. He touched the cold marble of the gravestone. Jenna went with him the last few times, but today he was alone again. Tyler prayed silently for a few minutes, then cleared his throat.

"I started playing music again, Josh. It took me months, but I played the piano yesterday. I cried while I played and I didn't want to sing, but I played. It feels strange, playing without you. Jenna was happy about it. She hopes I'm getting better. I'm still talking to the therapist and he helps me a lot. Jenna was right, he helped me, why is she always right? I guess it's because she's pretty smart. But you know her. It's…seven months since it happened and it still feels like it was yesterday. My therapist says I should concentrate on the positive memories whenever I get sad. I think a lot about the years before we got famous. We were happy about every show we played, although nobody knew us. We had so many plans…remember when we talked about marriage one day? I married Jenna, but you'll never marry. So many things you'll never do…But I need to think positive. We've reached so much. We played in front of thousends. I don't think that'll ever happen again. Not without you. Alright, buddy, I hope you're fine, whereever you are now. I have some things to do, I'm pretty busy at the moment, I hope you don't mind if I visit you less often, okay? I need to concentrate on other things now. I miss you."

 

 

 

The ground was full with leaves and it was cold and windy. Tyler closed his jacket and closed his eyes for a second. He listened to the wind and the creaking of the trees. He had his eyes still closed when he started to speak.

"I've got news, Josh. Big news. I'll be a father in a few months. Yeah, right, Jenna's pregnant and I'll be a father of a boy or a girl, we don't know yet. Only we three know it, I wanted you to know first because you're still my best friend.

We'll need a house in a few months or at least a bigger apartement. I guess we'll move, if we don't find one in Columbus. I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle with all the responsability, but I'll try my best. I stopped talking to the therapist, because I'm fine now. I'm still sad and I still miss you, but I know how to deal with it now.

And, guess what, I'm excited to be a dad. I'm happy and you should see Jenna, she's smiling all the time. She was sick yesterday, but she's okay now. She says it's normal, pregnant women feel sick sometimes. I hope everything will be alright.

I love you Josh and I will never forget you, but I think now is time to move on. I hope you understand that."

Tyler cried, but he smiled. He smiled and his heart hurted in a good way when he walked back to his car and drove back home to his wife.


End file.
